Invincible Summer

Earlier this month I joined Toastmasters. If you are not familiar with Toastmasters it is an organization that helps people with their communication skills at its very basic definition. It really is so much more than that and I'm very excited about being a member. Everyone is there for the same reason and each person takes an active part in the bi-weekly meetings from giving a planned or impromptu speech to members taking turns evaluating one another and learning the various jobs that are involved in the meeting positions. I can see so many possible benefits for being a part of an organization such as this. A few benefits that I can think of would be: enhancing self-esteem, speaking skills, communication, listening, leadership, giving and receiving evaluations, responsibility, accountability, meeting new friends and community members...like I said I'm really excited about this new venture. It is really outside of my comfort level but is something I've heard about for years and always wanted to do. I have spoken to groups in the past and have enjoyed it but that was a few years ago and nothing like what I'm experiencing (or will be experiencing) now. I've never given timed speeches or been formally critiqued. I've also not given many of the different types I'll be required to give through the following "Toastmaster year". Additionally there is always a person who holds the role of Grammarian each week and points out any grammatical faux pas as well as "speaking fluff" like "ummms" and "ahhhs" to every person who speaks during the evening. That in itself is very intimidating to me because I am not good at grammar at all. In fact I (not gramatically correct) SUCK at grammar! *smile* I love to write and can't stand grammar! I just know God really has a sense of humor! Grammar...I just don't "get it!". It's not my thing. In fact as you read my blogs, if you are an English major (or minor!) or grammarian by nature then you will either laugh or cry at my naked unedited writing. I'm 100% certain that there is at least one grammar error. At least. At the very least. *smile*

So anyways, tonight I gave my first speech at the Toastmasters meeting in front of my fellow Toastmasters. It was a timed speech required to last from 4 to 6 minutes. I was very nervous walking to the podium and my hands were "convulsing" before I started but things went very well. In fact they went so well that I'm happy to say that I won a first place ribbon for "best speaker"! I'm so psyched! It's not in my nature to brag. Now I can feel comfortable to blog!

When I first developed my icebreaker speech I had to write it out completely. That's just "how I do" :-) When giving the speech I obviously didn't have it written out and spoke with bullets or "memory joggers". Since I obviously kept the written out version I figured I'd share it here for anyone interested. If your not interested just pretend and celebrate with me this special evening and personal achievement for me!! The speech was required to be about me. It is as follows:

Invincible Summer

Thank you Madame Toastmaster and fellow toastmasters

I recently attended a college graduation. As I looked at all the students preparing to pursue their dreams I started to wonder how they will react when some people offer discouragement instead of encouragement. Would they give up their dreams? What about myself, how have I responded to challenges in my own life? I came across a quote that I think adequately answers that question. It’s a quote by Albert Camus. It says:
In the middle of winter, I have discovered in me an invincible summer.

Let me explain...

I grew up in Vermont as the little sister of three older brothers. Growing up as the baby girl in a house of mostly men I had to work extra hard at being heard or taken seriously. Most of the replies to my ideas or desires were met with “You’re too young to understand” or “you can’t do that”. You’d think that after hearing this over and over again I would become discouraged. Instead it created in me a drive to do the things I really wanted to do despite what others thought. If I had a passion for something, despite what my brothers said, my teenage response with all its infinite wisdom would be: “Humph. Yes I can.”

At fifteen I met a boy in high school two years my senior. When he gave me a promise ring a year later no one took it seriously. “I was too young to understand”. We continued dating until he went away to the military for a couple of years during which time we became engaged. We were told long distance relationships don’t work. When I was 18 I graduated high school and we married. “Instead of encouragement we were told it wouldn’t last. We didn’t understand what we were getting into. We were too young.” It’s been almost 24 years since my high school sweetheart and I walked down the isle. When we are reminded of the struggles and people who discouraged us I sometimes smile to myself and think: “Humph. Together we can.”

The military took us immediately to the south and when I re-entered the work force I quickly saw that the positions I wanted either required a degree or were 95% male where we lived. I knew the jobs I wanted to pursue but again heard from those around me: “you’re too young. You need a degree. You can’t do that.” With dedication and hard work I found myself a few years later at work on the military bases working on computer training systems. My professional career had me working along side retired and active military officers. I worked everything from security investigations to training analyst. When I decided to leave the work force I closed the door to my office having achieved what I set forth to do. I felt fulfilled and thought to myself: “Humpph. Yes, I did.”

Most of my life I have had to struggle with an anxiety disorder that surfaced when I was 17 years old. Its presence devoured my freedom and at its worst restricted me from staying alone, driving a car, or being able to walk to the mailbox. I became house bound for a time as I dealt with what is known as Agoraphobia. This anxiety disorder told me without words that I was going to live a restricted life. And I did for awhile. But the harsh season couldn’t continue forever. Like the quote says I found in me an invincible summer. And slowly I began the process which continues on today as I face each day as a new challenge. With a lot of work and determination I regained back control of my life. And to help others facing the same challenge I set out on a dream to write a book about my experiences that others could look to for hope and encouragement. It took 20 years of experience and four years to write but with persistence I am a now a first time author. My book will be available before the end of this year.

I’m not exactly certain why I have developed a determination to pursue my goals despite the odds. I’d like to blame some of it on my brothers… because blaming them is something I also learned growing up. But regardless my past experiences have helped me with my actions today with my own family. Growing up with three brothers I felt ready to handle raising our own three boys. As they have voiced their passions in life I have learned that I want to be one of the encouraging people in life that says: “Yes you can. Go get your dream!” When they have obstacles in life I want to be the one that says: “Keep going. You can either overcome it or go around it.” Sadly however I have also learned that in addition to these truths, rarely do I ever hear the words “your too young” now. In fact when I don’t act my age, which is the majority of the time, and one of my children rolls their eyes and gives me that look that says: “mom, you can’t act that way!”. I now smile and look at them and say: “humph. Yes I can!”